Here I go again, random thoughts piling up in my brain, dominating my mind, enslaving my reasons. Am I good? Am I bad? I guess I am bad but how bad am I? Back when I was a kid I was naive thought that I was the best kid there’ll ever be. Used to be the topper of the class, the teacher knew me, the parents of my classmates knew me even people who were stranger to me knew me. And all I ever did was to stand up and be something that others would recognised, praised and adore. All I ever wanted was their attention their approval. All I ever wanted was to love and to be loved, to be a friend, but all I ever was, a loathful existence to the people whom I wanted as friends. I was the existence their parents compare them with, surely the emotions of not being accepted for who we are is the most extremes of pain one can incur. So yes they hated me.

Their resentment I get it now but I did tried to change to be a better version for them but Oh, it’s hard. I can’t fit in well how could I? Spent 19years of my life surrounded by people yet alone all along. And the only place, the only people where I can rest and embrace hope and comforts is my home with my brother and my parents but it’s not everyday you can go home, can you?

We human being a social creature live in societies. These societies is bound by certain rules and regulations, talks and ambitions. Thus, even I do find peace at home being bound by society I can only visit them in certain festive. A prisoner to social protocols.

But after lots of trials and errors, I found people whom I can consider friends. I should be happy now laughed and dance but my thoughts choked me each night. Unable to recognized myself in the mirror, this is not me. Why am I scared to be real? I used to be resented but I used to like myself but now it seems I absorbed their resentments cause now they like me but I resented every bit of me. No longer happy

Now I know after losing myself, that I might be able to live with their jealous eyes but not at the expense of my true self. But my journey wasn’t in vain, I did achieved few people whom I can count on I guess you can say they’re my friends.

But I’m not happy I breathe but this is not me I’m here but this is not me. Thus I’m embarking on another journey to find the real me. The real me that I lost on my journey to find a remedy to my tragedy of being alone. So yeah this blog is my remedy my therapy. But not just me, we are all a tragedy yet we shall live. Tackle every obstacles sadness that burdens our heart.